Lessons Learned In Two Years Of Marriage

November 16, 2006

693301_two_heartsTwo years ago today, Masood and I sat in a lovely mosque in Sharjah with our family and friends, and signed a piece of paper that legally binded us in the beautiful bond of marriage.  With much apprehension, hope and love, we embarked on a journey that’s blessed by Allah.  Like all newly weds, both of us were as scared as we were excited.  This was a union arranged by our elders, who were right there at the moment with us, with tears of joy in their eyes and prayers on their lips.

In these two years of marriage, we have both grown up emotionally and spiritually, Alhumdulillah.  Because Masood is an elder child and orphaned at an early age, he has matured ahead of his time.  On the contrary, I am my father’s princess and have been spoiled a lot.  Therefore, it was Masood’s emotional maturity that helped us breeze through the early phase of our married life.

I, on the other hand, took my sweet time learning.  So, in our two years of marriage, I have learned that:

There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, there are only perfect moments.

We argue.  There are moments wherein we don’t speak to each other for an hour.  There had been several occasions of misunderstandings.  We had exchanged those I’m-mad-at-you glances.  But at the end of the day, when we make up, these matters don’t bother us.  We have practiced, right from the start, to cherish only the perfect moments of our lives.

Spiritual commitment is essential.

There is absolutely no peace and blessing in a home wherein religion isn’t practiced.  The souls of people masjidliving under one roof without practicing religion are just like cold, empty houses.  They are alive, but not living.  At the end of the day, they feel defeated and lost.  To raise a family with strong values, a couple must always make religion the backbone of their relationship.  Masood and I try to offer our prayers together as often as we can.  And we discuss matters pertaining to Islam often, so that both of us grow together spiritually.

My husband is designed by Allah to lead our family.

A lot of women may disagree, but I have found comfort and peace in taking a step back and letting Masood take charge of our family.  He is literally the head of our family.  He is in charge of our finances, housing and security matters.  He even makes sure that we try to live an Islamic way of life as much as possible.  As far as I’m concerned, even now that I’m working, taking charge of our home remains my main responsibility.  My priorities are still keeping our home in order, make sure we have clean clothes, and decent meals.  Masood is not obligated to help around the house, just like I’m not obligated to earn a living.  It is purely out of love and respect for me that he volunteers to help me with my chores, for which I am truly grateful.

My husband can not meet all of my emotional needs.

I tend to get very emotional, specially during those special days of the month.  More often than not, I expect Masood to know how exactly I’m feeling, without me having to tell him anything.  And when I find him confused, I get mad.

yellow faceSometime last month, I told him to be prepared because I might be emotional for a week.  “What am I supposed to do when you have those mood swings?” he asked, probably wanting to know how he can breeze through days like these.  “Well, just give me some time alone.  I might just be quiet, but I’ll be fine on my own in an hour or so,” I told him.  Then, when I did get emotional, he didn’t talk to me and kept himself busy with his work.  “Why are you ignoring me?” I cried, “I feel so alone.”

I’ve learned that my husband can’t read my mind all the time.  He’s also a human being, dealing with his own emotional struggles.

Love is a four-lettered word spelled as G-I-V-E.

This isn’t easy, because it is human nature to expect something in return.  I love my husband and I definitely want him to love me in return, but as time passes by, I’m concentrating less on “wanting love” in return and focusing more on “giving” him unconditional love.

Work hard with my husband to create financial security.

Just because a man is held responsible for the finances doesn’t mean that a woman should care less.  financesMasood is financially capable of supporting me and providing us with a decent life, Alhumdulillah.  I am working because I want to make use of the education on which I had worked so hard to achieve and also to help save some money for our future.  Dubai is a very expensive place to live in, and being able to help contribute financially makes me feel good about myself.  Even if I wasn’t working, I would still have helped creating financial security by spending my husband’s money wisely and living within our means.

Not to complain about my husband to family and friends.

Let’s say Masood and I have an argument.  I am hurt and I go to my parents or friends to “let it all out”.  They listen to me and offer me kind words, probably help me deal with the situation at hand as well.  Very soon, I’m over the entire matter and back in my husband’s arms, smiling and happy.  My family or friends, however, won’t be able to forget this as easily as I would.  They will continue to harbor the negative feelings about my husband for a longer time.

Effective communication is based on honesty.

The main element of compromise, I have learned,  is openness to my husband’s point of view and maintain good and honest communication when differences arise.

If he has a problem, it’s my problem too.

I'm Masood's best friend!I can’t go on with life pretending nothing’s wrong just because it’s my husband who has a problem to deal with and not me.  There are certain issues which may be specifically my husband’s problem, like issues related to his job or friends.  But I know he appreciates it when I care enough to ask and listen to things that bother him.  Everyone needs a good friend to confide to.  I want to be that friend to my husband.

I am more conscious about my physical appearance.

I work hard to maintain an ideal weight and look good, specially to please my husband.  I want him to come home to an attractive wife, not a worn-out, exhausted-looking woman who needs a shower.  Speaking of which, hygiene is extremely important.

Marriage needs to be nurtured.

Marriage is like a delicate bud that needs to be nurtured gently in order for it to bloom into a lovely flower.  roseMasood and I love to analyse our relationship often, looking into how we can improve ourselves further.  We also act like kids sometimes, making each other laugh and just enjoy the moment.

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes ~ Amy Grant

 

And by the way, this is my 100th post!


 

 

 

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25 Responses to Lessons Learned In Two Years Of Marriage

  1. Umm Travis says:

    mubooooooooooooooooooooooook!

    Really nice reminders too! Thanks sis!


    ~ And thank you for stopping by, sis 🙂

  2. masood says:

    Congratulations on your 100th post and making this century post most special. Allah Subhanwata’la blessed me with your immense love and a true friend in you, am always thankful to Him. InshaAllah we will make our relationship more strong and special all the time.

    Love you so much 🙂

    ~ Thank you, Jaan. As long as we have Allah’s love in our hearts, we’ll be just fine, InshaAllah. Love you too 🙂

  3. misspecs says:

    Okay, maybe its just that time of the month but I actually teared up a bit reading this post. Although I don’t want to divide the home and finances part when I start my own life, it seems to be working amazingly for you two, MashaAllah. And the rest… specially the part about not complaining to your family about your husband; you’ve pointed it out in such a beautiful manner. Girls seriously need to realize how they escalate a bad situation by telling everyone about it.

    I’d just like to add that everyone should be careful about complaining about family to their spouses too. While its important to share (and let off steam at times!), your spouse won’t forgive someone who hurt you as easily as you would.

    Oh, and thank you for sharing the good things and telling us how to deal with the bad ones. I can’t tell you how carefully I read your blog when it comes to marriage stuff! I’m grateful for all the advice. 🙂

    And congrats on the 100th post!

    ~ Yes, that is an important point too, Specs. Thanks for sharing it with us. We need to find creative ways to let the stream off without necessarily having to say bad things about anyone 🙂

  4. Pingback: Lessons Learned In Two Years Of Marriage | Tea Break

  5. Niyaz says:

    This is really a great post from u Sis & thanks for sharing your personals here in the blog.

    You guys are simply rocking 🙂

    you have given worthful facts that’s going to be useful for young guys like me…when all these days I thought that marriage is yet another Burden in One’s life…..But something worth marrying & Worth Giving too !!


    ~ Glad Masood and I could inspire you. Guess that qualifies us to get invited to your wedding 😀

  6. Ab says:

    You are an amazing writer and this 100th post was a perfect and beautiful exemplification of that. It was very nicely composed.

    Good job.

    [Then, when I did get emotional, he didn’t talk to me and kept himself busy with his work. “Why are you ignoring me?” I cried, “I feel so alone.”]

    Awww. I feel bad for Masood bhai in these times. Poor guy probably doesn’t know what to do!
    Speaking of him, btw, what is his blog’s password?

    ~ Aww, thank you so much for your sweet comment, Abid. I am truly flattered 🙂

    Yes, those days are certainly tough on Masood because he couldn’t understand me. But it’s okay; I don’t understand myself either whenever I’m in a hormonal mess, hehe. Also, I make up for days like these by cooking something special for him as soon as I return back to ..umm..my normal state.

    Masood’s password-protected post is meant only for me 😀

  7. Serene says:

    Happy 2nd Year Anniversary! May God bless your marriage with abundance of love and blessing! 🙂


    ~ Thank you so much, Serene. You’re such a sweetheart, never forgetting to stop by despite your hectic schedule. I truly appreciate it 🙂

  8. Niyaz says:

    By the way i forgot to wish u for both , Happy 2nd Year Anniversary & also Congrats on completing 100 th Post
    keep rising 🙂

    Bro & Sis : u are always welcome !! but i don know when it gonna happen hehe !!

    ~ Thanks, Niyaz! It will happen soon, InshaAllah. And when it does, Masood and I would definitely want to be there to share your happiness with you and your family 🙂

  9. hfm says:

    This is so beautiful, I really think it’s an eye opener for a singleton like myself. I think marriage is such a great experience and it’s important to understand your role in this passage of life.
    Thank you for sharing these lessons.
    :]

    May Allah keep you both happy.
    Ameen.

  10. nadia says:

    hfm,

    Ameen! Yes, marriage is a great and unique experience.

    Often, specially in the morning, I love to watch my husband sleep. Moments later, my eyes would well up with tears. I tell Masood, “There’s so much love in my heart right now that I can’t contain it anymore; it’s overflowing and coming out in the form of tears.”

    I just can’t put into words the love and fulfillment I derive from being with my husband 🙂

  11. Nisa AK says:

    Many congratz for pulling thru the 2 yrs of marriage beautifully. May both of u be blessed with many more happy years ahead!
    Great post Nadia!
    Inshallah, ur effort to impart such important knowledge and wisdom thru ur blog will benefit many! 🙂

    ~ Ameen, sis Nisa 🙂

  12. Ab says:

    “PS: What happened to your website’s homepage?”

    Assalam o Alaikum

    I am applying to various graduate schools for next year.

    I was told to remove the main page of the website by various people because I don’t wanna give away too much information to potential grad school supervisors. For example, if you google my name (“Abid Hasan”), my website is the second result.

    With that said, the homepage will be back next spring, when I am finished with the application process!

    Regards,

    Abid Hasan

  13. nadia says:

    Abid,

    Walaikum Assalam

    Thanks for the update. All the best with the graduate school application. Our prayers are with you 🙂

  14. Aadil says:

    In cricketing terms you have completed your century with a classy stroke 🙂

    Buhut buhut mubarak 🙂
    May you have a more happier married life ahead! Amen! 🙂


    ~ Ameen to your dua. Thank you so much, Aadil 🙂

  15. Yazi says:

    I wish you best of luck and many more perfect moments ahead!

    ~ Thank you so much, Yazi 🙂

  16. Jus says:

    Wow 100th Post already. So fast! Congrats

    And congrats for the 2nd anniversary!

    So if the woman is the breadwinner, can she be excused from housework? =D

    Totally agree with your “Not to complain about my husband to family and friends” point. Despite wat u read on my blog, i DONT tell my family nor all my friends wat actually went on in the marriage. Esp bcos we still live with my family, it might get uncomfortable for both parties if i tell them my grievances abt my husband.

  17. nadia says:

    Jus,

    Thank you so much!

    Hmm, if the woman is the breadwinner and pregnant, then she should be excused from housework 🙂

  18. BholiBhali says:

    Awwww Nadia sis, First Bouhat Bouhat belated Mubarik ho apko and Masood bhai 🙂 Allah bless you with all worlds happiness, love, smiles, and many many many years ahead to clebrate like this, Ameen!

    This post was really motivational, and hold such a lovely message within it 🙂 Thanx for sharing.. I been bit away hmmm so will InshAllah dheere dheere get back 😛

  19. nadia says:

    Bholi Bhali, welcome back! You’ve been away too long and we really missed you. Anyway, I’m so happy to have you back and commenting on my blog 😉

    Thanks and Ameen to your dua 🙂

  20. Wakas Mir says:

    Lots of duas n smiles sent ur way sis.. such a learning experience it might have been na.. but as the posts we read about masood bro I am sure that he is a wonderful person to be with just like you. Have an amazing life and a very healthy one.. ameen 🙂

  21. nadia says:

    Wakas,

    Ameen to your dua.

    JazakAllah khair for your sweet comment. You are absolutely right; Masood is truly a wonderful person, MashaAllah. I can’t imagine life without him 🙂

  22. mubi says:

    aww bless!
    and happy wedding anni plus the 100th post!!
    *applause in the background*

  23. nadia says:

    Mubi,

    Thanks a lot sis *hugs*

  24. Aneesa says:

    Salam,
    I am getting married real soon.. actually in real terms i am His Wife IN all legal and Islamic terms.. we are just waiting and hoping for a Rukhsati soon(ameen).. me and my husband and very much in love.. and we share great chemistry.. Although me and khurram at times really get scared because we dont want anything to change our chemistry and all and be able to stand strong at all time after shadi..
    Thanks you so much… Your blog gave us so much hope.. Its so different from the stereo types on marriage.. i loved it.
    Take care sister. Thanks a lot.

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