Our Prenuptial Agreement (And What Has Become Of It)

Masood and I didn’t just tie the knot without first making sure that our personal interests were secured after marriage. Days before our elders decided on a wedding date, we were constantly speaking on the phone and chatting the night away on Yahoo Messenger. We discussed about what we want and didn’t want to be changed after marriage. Our prenuptial agreement, as I call it, was made verbally between us with no witnesses.

ME:

1. He would allow me to have six pillows in bed. Although I’ve never fallen off a bed before, but the possibility worries me; it always has.

2. He would buy me moisturizers, lotions, and creams (and any other related products of that sort), allowing me to choose the brand, while not taking into consideration the price tag.

3. We would maintain our current weight and would take measures to shed any excess weight gained after marriage.

4. He would not bring work home.

5. He would bring me to annual trips abroad.

HIM:

1. I would learn how to cook.

2. I would love his family like my own.

3. I would discuss any problems with him first, before consulting anyone else, including my parents.

Twenty one months into our marriage:

I have finally learned how to cook. Not only that, I can now accurately identify each ingredient in both Urdu and English. I have even prepared meals that I had never heard of before. I have always thought Upma, a South Indian breakfast dish, was Ukma, and have been pronouncing it that way for several months. In a desperate attempt by my family to teach me culinary skills a few months before my wedding, to save face from embarrassment and humiliation least my in-laws discovered I didn’t know how to cook anything, bought several boxes of Shan and National ready-made masalas for me to practice on. Fortunately, my Mother-in-law took charge of the kitchen and I had the chance to learn a great deal from her. Now, I can cook on my own.

Loving Masood’s family was easy, specially his Mother. She is the sweetest soul I have ever met, and I don’t think she’s qualified to be called a “Saasu Ma”. She only deserves to be called “Ammi”.

I have made up my mind before marriage that whenever Masood is mean to me, or perhaps whenever I think that I’m being oppressed, I would pack my bags and return to my parent’s home, where I would not answer any phone calls from him, but would wait for him to come and fetch me. That hasn’t happened. He was never mean nor was I ever oppressed. So I never got the chance to pack up and leave. Of course, I’m grateful for that, alhumdulillah. And we did discuss our problems between ourselves and have managed to sort things out without having anyone else know. That has helped us respect each other a great deal.

As promised, Masood took me on our first annual trip abroad during our first year anniversary; we went to Karachi and had dinner at The Pearl Continental (I would highly recommend their dinner buffet to everyone). Five months later, he took me to India (I would highly recommend Taj Mahal to everyone).

He also made sure not to bring work home from the office, but there are times when it becomes necessary to finish a task before a certain deadline. That’s fine with me.

Both of us have gained weight a year after marriage, although he insists that it’s all in my mind. When he got tired of my “do you think I look fat in this?’ or “we won’t be having desserts for the next six months” or “my clothes don’t fit me anymore, I need to buy new ones”, he finally bought an elliptical trainer. It’s sitting in our bedroom, giving a good impression to anyone who visits us (specially the ladies who always insist to see the bedroom).

I get to buy any girly product that I fancied. I bought huge bottles of lotions, creams, scents, and bubble bath soaps. I use some of those on him too, to which he objected at first, but is now grateful for his moisturized and floral-scented skin.

BUT, I never got my six pillows; I got one and a half: a regular-sized pillow and a smaller throw pillow. I complain about it often, but Masood doesn’t see the point on being surrounded with six pillows in bed. “Where would I be sleeping then?” he would ask.

Now that I think of it, both of us have kept our words after all. Despite all the differences and problems that comes our way, marriage is still beautiful.

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24 Responses to Our Prenuptial Agreement (And What Has Become Of It)

  1. masood says:

    LOL

    But life after marriage is indeed beautiful. I suggest all (able) bachelors to rush and have this blessing.

    ~ I still need my four and a half pillows.

  2. Umm Travis says:

    ma shaa Allah, I really loved this post!

    And your comment at the end made me laugh, hahahahaha.

    I would just put the pillows on the bed if it were me!

    ~ Thanks! If only I had those pillows, I’d definitely fight for their right to be on the bed πŸ˜€

  3. Harsha says:

    haha!

    Cute

    ~ Thanks, Harsha. So glad you stopped by πŸ™‚

  4. Niyaz says:

    very beautiful post sis , nice to read!!

    mmm it really makes me to think about marriage !!

    ~ Thanks, Niyaz. Do think about marriage: you’re at the right age plus a decent job. I mean, why not?

  5. Pingback: Our Prenuptial Agreement (And What Has Become Of It) | Tea Break

  6. Ordinary girl says:

    I had a smile all through the post πŸ™‚

    It is making me think of having a pre-nup like this! πŸ˜€ and it also gives me hope that I can learn how to cook (but pleaseeeee can I do that AFTER the wedding, why I have to waste my khunwar-pan in kitchen NOW??!! πŸ˜€ )

    I love that article no. 2 section E, i.e. annual trips. Wish I could make him promise that! I yearn to see the whole world but woh beechara gareeb fauji kaisey lay kay jahay gaa??!! πŸ˜€

    ~ I suggest you go ahead and have an informal pre-nup like this. Regarding cooking, just learn 2 main dishes and one dessert, and of course tea – that’ll suffice. Susraal main kuch izzat bhi tho rakhni hai na. Don’t underestimate your “gareeb fauji”, he might just surprise you with the trip of your dreams πŸ™‚

  7. Niyaz says:

    Inshallah!! but responsibilities also grow more rite !! hehe πŸ™‚

    ~ But you won’t be alone to shoulder those responsibilities. With additional responsibilities comes a partner to share them with πŸ™‚

  8. Serene says:

    This a very good piece of advise before entering to the so called β€œmarriage life”. We should consider this idea, even though for others this would mean being selfish. But like what they say when we get married we become one in love but we are still individual that needs to be respected.

    ~ When Masood and I decide something regarding us and/or our marriage in particular, what others would think is the least of our concerns. But yes, I think it is important to discuss certain issues before marriage, to avoid confusion and preserve one’s own identity. You don’t have to totally abandon your former self after marriage.

  9. Mary says:

    Love it, Nadia! Especially making it clear that you are never denied beauty products. Lucky girl, you are! I have four pillows, and I love them. I’d send you some if I could, though!

    ~ Oh yes, beauty products are an absolute essential for us women. You’ve got two and half pillows more than me, lucky girl πŸ˜€

  10. Wakas Mir says:

    Hehe sis that’s a wonderful way of starting your life.. I might note this down when my time comes.. hmm I wonder what I would ask for, yah maybe bringing work home would be on my list and she will definitely knock it off the list.. I am dead sure!

    ~ Trust me, you would prefer not to bring work home yourself πŸ˜€

  11. Ab says:

    New reader here.
    Welcome to my blogroll!

    ~ Welcome to my blog, Ab! And thanks πŸ™‚

  12. Haleem says:

    Haha good one! I was expecting something along division of property and marital assets in this post! lol.. pillows.

    ~ Sorry for the disappointment, hehe πŸ˜€

  13. UmmAbdullah says:

    Salaam!

    Masha’Allah such a sweeet post! I’ll definitely keep such a thing in mind whenever the time comes, insha’Allah!

    ~ Walaikum Assalam. Thanks πŸ™‚

    I’m looking forward to read about your prenuptial post soon, InshaAllah!

  14. serendipitouslife says:

    LOL! That was funny. W/r to the beauty products condition, you know what most men say to escape from obliging: “Oh, you don’t need all these artificial stuff, you are pretty the way you are naturally.”

    May Allah bless your marriage.

    ~ Oh yes, that’s exactly what Masood says too, and “sometimes” I chose to believe him πŸ˜€
    Ameen
    !

  15. Amir says:

    6 Pillows! Where would poor Masood sleep? I feel for you brother. We had pillows after Saif was born, he slept next to the pillows. The space I had remaining equaled the width of my shoulders, a perfect fit. Tell that to my back πŸ™‚

    Your union sounds beautiful mashallah, and May Allah bless it forever, Ameen

    ~ Yeah, yeah…take his side. LOL @ the ‘perfect fit’, abhi iski naubat nahi aayi, but I think Masood should realize that men generally end up with lesser bed space πŸ˜€

    Ameen!

  16. supersizeme says:

    salaam nadia, interesting post! mashAllah at your marriage, i’m really happy for you and the other half.
    i got married 4 years ago at 21 and divorced within 6 months and now i’m a 25 yr old with no responsibility whatsoever.. love it!

    not that marriage itself was bad, it was just .. well like something straight out of a hollywood flick, we weren’t ready and he was a pampered drama queen type… and i just drove him up the wall.. it’s funny when i look back, the good thing was he divorced me at the snap of his fingers, and i was relieved.. didn’t have to get my hands dirty.
    sounds weird.. but marriage is something sacred, not a joke, and my marriage was a joke, i’m glad it had a short shelf life.

    ~ Walaikum Assalam. I’m sorry that you had to experience divorce, but I guess it came as a blessing for you that the marriage ended soon, before more emotional damage could take place.

    May Allah bless you, sister. I hope you that when the time is right, you would find a man who you truly deserve, InshaAllah.

  17. misspecs says:

    LOL, this is excellent!

    Can you please excuse him @ pillows. The poor man has a solid reason!

    Loved it, and will be back for more. Great blog!

    ~ I have been excusing him for the past one and a half years, hehe. Thanks for stopping by. I love your blog too! πŸ™‚

  18. Ab says:

    New reader here!

    Good post. Very deep and moving.

    ~ Welcome to my blog, Abid! And thanks a lot for your comment πŸ™‚

  19. Nisa says:

    hey nadia, its such a coincidence we both posted something abt marriage on the same day! hehehe.. . anyways, ur still lucky to have 1 1/2 pillow, i have only one and sometimes even that goes missing! πŸ˜€

    ~ Haan na, such a coincidence indeed πŸ™‚

    Poor you. Fight for your right!

  20. mubi says:

    lol, great post…
    as i started reading your post, i was wondering what things were decided on..and then i read first thing…your demand six pillows and there i was πŸ˜€

    ~ Hehe, I guess I have disappointed a lot of readers πŸ˜€

  21. saadil says:

    hmm .. lovely post .. quite an idea this is for the ‘wanna be marrieds’ to settle things in prior in order to avoid complications later. I like the tinge of fun in your posts like the mention of pillows in this one πŸ™‚

    ~ Thanks a lot πŸ™‚

  22. Ha ha…MashAllah πŸ™‚

    ~ Thanks, Fariha πŸ™‚

  23. haroon says:

    very nicely written

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