A Pre-Wedding Party, Part 2

The bride remained carefully covered under a heavy veil, as per the tradition she strongly believed in, which I had mentioned in the previous post;  it felt slightly awkward speaking to her that way.  She could see us, but we saw only the movement of her head as she spoke.

10 pm

The bride’s family, along with 30 other women, finally arrived.  Three  hours late.

They brought a basket of flowers, and lots of candles with them.

They were heavily made up.

The sisters came in the room first.  Friend’s wife and I stood to greet them with a salaam – which they totally ignored – and walked past us towards the bride.  They didn’t really care who we were.  No introductions.

But one of the bride’s aunt was sweet enough to ask us how we were related to the groom.  “He’s a good friend of  my husband,” I told her.  She smiled a lot;  I liked her.

10:30 pm

The girls were still busy with their clothes, hair and makeup.  When they found some time in between those tasks, they busied themselves taking pictures of the veiled bride.

I sat in the corner with friend’s wife, bored and hungry.

I heard that the guys were having dinner in the other room.  Lucky people.

11 pm

I finally asked, “How do we get this party started?”  The women looked at each other.  The bride’s sister replied, “We will bring the bride to the living room, and have the groom sit besides her.  We will apply ubtan paste on the groom’s hands and face, and the ladies from his side will apply the paste on the bride.”

“The groom and the bride will sit together?”  asked the surprised mother-of-the-groom, “In Hyderabad, we don’t let them see each other until the nikah is done.”

“But that’s how we do it in Pakistan,” the bride’s sister insisted.

“But we don’t do it that way in India,”  the groom’s mom insisted.

The bride’s aunt gestured to the bride’s sister to quiet down, and said, “Let’s do it the way the groom’s mom wants it done.”

That’s when groom’s mom realized that someone was missing from the crowd, “Where’s the bride’s mother? Didn’t she come with you all?”

That’s when the girls giggled.  One of them said, “She’s sitting right next to the bride!”

The groom’s mother apologized, “Oh! I didn’t recognize you because of the makeup, sorry.”

11:30 pm

“Should we have dinner first?”  asked groom’s mother.

But the bride’s family weren’t hungry yet, “We will eat after the rasam.”

Groom’s mom looked at me and friend’s wife, “Let’s have dinner then.  They can eat later.”

Finally, we had dinner!  And it was a peaceful one too.  The food was yummy:  home-cooked chicken qorma.

Meanwhile, the ladies played loud music in the other room.

12 midnight

When friend’s wife and I joined the ladies after our dinner, we found the bride’s sisters and cousins dance to some Hindi song.  I looked around for groom’s mom, found her in the kitchen, and asked whether there was anything I could do to help.  I felt it was time they started the rasam, or whatever it was they intended to do that night (or early morning).

Groom’s mom brought out the bowl of ubtan paste, and entered the room where the ladies were still jumping dancing to the songs.  “How about we start now?” she asked the bride’s mom.

“How about we have dinner first?  I’m sure the girls are starving.”  And the girls happily agreed.

I wanted to hit something.

12:30 am

Friend’s wife and I helped groom’s mom with the gifts she brought for her new daughter-in-law.  Three suit-cases full of colorful, glittering sarees.  They all looked so pretty!  I love Indian sarees.  We arranged them carefully on the bed, then paired each one with matching sandals and glass bangles.  It was fun!

We were also shown the gorgeous bridal dress from India;  it was a blue and pink sharara.

1 am

I went in the other room to check on whether we could get the rasam started, and found the ladies sitting in groups, chatting and laughing.  The bride sat on the sofa, all covered up, texting away on her cellphone.  The children were running all over the place.

Obviously, nobody was in a hurry to return home.

1:15 am

I called Masood to pick me up.

1:30 am

I bid farewell to Aunty (the groom’s mom), explaining to her that it was too late already.  She asked me to stay a little longer;  I apologized for having to leave early.  We hugged, and she reminded me to attend the wedding.

On my way out, I found the bride’s mom.  “Acha main chalti houn, it was nice meeting you.”  She smiled and said, “Okay, Allah hafiz.”

And that’s how the exciting pre-wedding party came to an end – for me.

A Pre-Wedding Party, Part 1

7:45 pm

We arrived at the groom’s house, 45 minutes late.  Masood’s friend and his wife, who suggested that they pick us up, had lost their way.  And the Thursday night traffic was horrible too.  The groom’s flat is new, and the lobby is very impressive.  We rang the doorbell.  “I think we’re the first one’s to arrive,”  says the friend’s wife, “there aren’t any shoes outside the door.”

And she was right.

We met the groom’s mother and two brothers.  The boys sat in the living room, while the girls settled in the bedroom.

Groom’s mother, hereafter referred to as Aunty, is a simple woman from Hyderabad.  She and her husband have a daughter and five sons.  Daughter is married and so are two of her sons.  Everyone in the family, except for the groom and a brother, live in Hyderabad.  It was Aunty’s first time in Dubai.  In fact, she just landed five days ago. She mentions having a difficult time preparing for the wedding since they do not have relatives in the U.A.E.

8:30 pm

The bride finally arrived with her 10-year-old sister and a couple of her friends.  Friend’s wife and I were then asked by Aunty to go to the other room to meet the bride.  We found her sitting on the bed in a black abaya, niqab and gloves – and were very impressed.  After exchanging salaams, friend’s wife suggested that the bride can now remove her abaya since men won’t be coming into the room.

“But then you’ll be able to see my face,”  said the bride, “so if you don’t mind, would you please go to the other room for a minute while I remove my abaya?”

8:50 pm

“You may come in now!”  called the bride’s sister.

We re-entered the room, and found the bride with a large veil covering her entire face.

“There’s a Pakistani tradition, you see,”  she explained, “that a bride mustn’t show her face for seven days prior to the wedding, else there won’t be any ronak, or glow, on the bride’s face.  I haven’t shown my face to anyone for the past four days, not to my mom or sisters even.  I sleep in the room alone, with the door locked, lest someone comes in and sees my face uncovered.”

“But the wedding reception is on Saturday, that’ll only be the sixth day.  Will you remain covered on your wedding day?”  I asked, surprised.  I mean, I didn’t know about this tradition.

“Of course not!  We didn’t have much time to prepare for this wedding, so I’m making an exception.  I’m removing the veil tomorrow.”

“Oh.” Friend’s wife and I looked at each other.

9 pm

We were still sitting in the bride’s room, and decided to interrogate her.

“So where in Pakistan are you from?”

“Multan.  But I’ve been born and brought up here in the U.A.E.  All of my family and relatives live here.”

“Where did the two of you meet?”

“At his office party, two years ago.  We’ve been in contact since then.  I love Hyderabadi food!”

“I suppose you’ll be organizing a party in Multan as well, you know, to introduce him to the rest of the clan there.”

“Not really.  I haven’t been to Pakistan yet, and besides, everyone important is already here.”

“You don’t want to go to Pakistan?”

“I’m not interested.”

“But you’re going to Hyderabad?”

“Oh yes!  He’s going to introduce me to everyone there.”

“Where in Hyderabad does his family live?”

She mentions a name, but since it sounded unfamiliar to me, I forgot. Friend’s wife told me it’s in the old city, near Charminar.  I began recalling the crowded streets, narrow alleys, and homes that were practically glued to each other, leaving no space between them.

“Oh, you’ll love it there,”  I told her with a smile.

Continued here …

Without Her

It definitely wasn’t love at first sight.  They went to the same college in North India and saw each other regularly.  How the casual friendship blossomed into love, they didn’t notice.  Then together, they planned their future – career, home, marriage, and family.

Their marriage had been a huge issue.  He came from a middle class family, whereas her family owned lands and businesses.  People say that her family’s land in India is so widespread that a train traveling through one of her grandfather’s fields would take several hours before it reaches the other end.

But they were madly in love and persistent.  Eventually, their families gave in.  The wedding took place in his hometown.   The bridal entourage flew in their private jet.

A couple of years later, the young couple migrated to Canada.  They had everything – an adorable son, a rewarding career, a home and a blissful marriage.  Together, they visited their families every summer.  Everyone back home spoke of their unconditional love.  They were inseparable.

One fine morning, they decided to go for a long drive in their new jeep.  The weather was perfect, and so they packed their stuff and drove off for the weekend.  The countryside was breathtaking!  They took hundreds of pictures and had a fabulous time.

On their way home from the refreshing trip, she offered to drive.  Their son was fast asleep, exhausted.  He played soft music and closed his eyes.  Moments later, he thought he smelled something burning.  He opened his eyes and saw sparks  – where exactly they were coming from, he didn’t remember.  Next thing he knew, his wife was shouting at him to jump off the jeep!  When he didn’t, she managed to open the door and pushed him out herself.  It happened so fast.

He saw men in white when he opened his eyes.  His head hurt terribly and he couldn’t seem to move.  “It’s alright.  You’re in the hospital.  Try to get some sleep,”  said one of the doctors.

A month later, he was staring out of the window, his eyes blank and his mind numb.  “Why us?”  he thought.  His mother, very much worried with his health, brought some lunch, which he refused.  His son and father looked at him silently.  He was there with them, but all they miss him terribly.

He had lost so much in such a brief moment.  The jeep caught fire, and though his wife pushed him out to save his life, he sustained third-degree burns on his left arm.  The doctors had to amputate the limb in order to save his life.  The blankets that wrapped their son while he was sleeping at the back of the jeep saved his live;  he was unharmed.  His wife, however, couldn’t make it.  She died before reaching the hospital.

For an entire year, his parents looked after him and his son.  He refused to go back to work.  He refused to move on.  He refused to live life without her.

His parents, frustrated at their son’s unwillingness to help himself recover, decided to leave him to fend for himself.  One day, they packed their belongings and returned home – just like that.  And he was left alone with his young son.

That’s when he finally  got up from besides the window, where he had spent several days and even nights, hugged the innocent little boy, and vowed to move on for his son’s sake.

It’s been five years now since that incident.  He still lives in Canada with his son and works for a health care company.  He spends time with the kid, going out to movies and zoo.  He is working hard to be the best father he could be.  But he refuses to remarry;  won’t even entertain the thought.

He might have moved on, but he definitely hasn’t fully recovered yet.

This is a true story.  Names have been withheld and places changed, respecting the privacy of the people involved.  Pictures were taken from Google images.

Matrimonials

Both my sisters have actually insisted that they want a marriage arranged by our elders.  So, with my family looking around for suitable grooms for my sisters, I thought I’d help by looking into matrimonial advertisements in the newspapers.

And here’s what I found:

Parents invite proposals for their son, MBA, age 26/178, working in Dubai, from God-fearing and employed girls only.  Call 050-xxxxxxx.

…………………………………

Uncle invites proposals from professional girls, for his nephew, aged 31, 150 cms, medium complexion, BTech (Electronics), employed in Dubai and willing to settle anywhere.  Contact 04-xxxxxxx.

………………………………..

I’m looking for bride who is well settled in any foreign country like Canada, Australia, America, UK , Saudia or Dubai. Who may help me to settle there. I’m 20 years old.  I have recently given papers of B.com.  I’m 5′11 feet tall with fair complexion.  Alhamdulilah very handsome and smart.  I’m not a greedy person.  No demand.  I just want sincere people.

………………………………..

I’m 29 year old businessman from UK.  I’m looking for a sincere and faithful female for marriage.  If  you are self independent or financially stable, please call me at xxxxxxx.

……………………………….

My name is xxxx.   MBA (BANKING AND FINANCE) and looking for the most beautiful girl to marry.  She must be less than 25 because my age is 25.

……………………………….

I am 24 years old and employed with good salary.  I want a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever.  She may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire life can run smoothly.  Thank you.  You may call me at xxxxxxx.

………………………………..

I am a 32 year-old simple guy with own business in Sharjah.  I love to make people laugh.  The three things I am looking from a girl are:

1.  She should believe in God.

2.  She should like my profession.

3.  She should not get bored with me when I try to make her laugh.

………………………………

I guess I’ll just leave this match-making task to the elders.

A Purposal

You read it right: purposal.

I do not mean to make fun or mock anyone here.  I just want to point out to our brothers, who write proposal emails, to please check and re-check the content of your mail.  The way a person writes reflects on how he/she thinks.

Below is an unedited email (well, except for the name and phone number) that we have currently received from a guy who seems to be interested in my younger sister.

Subject:  A PURPOSAL.

Hi, I am S.M.A. from Dubai.  Can you like me tell about your family background. Can you speak URDU ? if yes, then what’t level of your urdu. I am very serious about searching a right girl. So, please cooprate with me.  If if you want any Querries about me, please don’t hesitate to contact with me.

My cell number is 055-xxxxxxx. i am free after 5 P.m. My Friday and Saturday is off, so that’s day you can contact me any time. Can u tell me that where from your father is in pakistan ?  I am living in islamabad pakistan. And please you tell me about your brother’s and sister’s also. how many your family member’s and what they do ? and what is cost of your father ?

I want tell you a little bit about my family background. I belong a very educated and respectable family in pakistan. My father is landlord. other my uncles are well educated person and they are well govt. employees.

ok thanks you very much. i am waiting for your positive reply.

S.M.A.

Enginear, Computer Hard Where