Without Her

It definitely wasn’t love at first sight.  They went to the same college in North India and saw each other regularly.  How the casual friendship blossomed into love, they didn’t notice.  Then together, they planned their future – career, home, marriage, and family.

Their marriage had been a huge issue.  He came from a middle class family, whereas her family owned lands and businesses.  People say that her family’s land in India is so widespread that a train traveling through one of her grandfather’s fields would take several hours before it reaches the other end.

But they were madly in love and persistent.  Eventually, their families gave in.  The wedding took place in his hometown.   The bridal entourage flew in their private jet.

A couple of years later, the young couple migrated to Canada.  They had everything – an adorable son, a rewarding career, a home and a blissful marriage.  Together, they visited their families every summer.  Everyone back home spoke of their unconditional love.  They were inseparable.

One fine morning, they decided to go for a long drive in their new jeep.  The weather was perfect, and so they packed their stuff and drove off for the weekend.  The countryside was breathtaking!  They took hundreds of pictures and had a fabulous time.

On their way home from the refreshing trip, she offered to drive.  Their son was fast asleep, exhausted.  He played soft music and closed his eyes.  Moments later, he thought he smelled something burning.  He opened his eyes and saw sparks  – where exactly they were coming from, he didn’t remember.  Next thing he knew, his wife was shouting at him to jump off the jeep!  When he didn’t, she managed to open the door and pushed him out herself.  It happened so fast.

He saw men in white when he opened his eyes.  His head hurt terribly and he couldn’t seem to move.  “It’s alright.  You’re in the hospital.  Try to get some sleep,”  said one of the doctors.

A month later, he was staring out of the window, his eyes blank and his mind numb.  “Why us?”  he thought.  His mother, very much worried with his health, brought some lunch, which he refused.  His son and father looked at him silently.  He was there with them, but all they miss him terribly.

He had lost so much in such a brief moment.  The jeep caught fire, and though his wife pushed him out to save his life, he sustained third-degree burns on his left arm.  The doctors had to amputate the limb in order to save his life.  The blankets that wrapped their son while he was sleeping at the back of the jeep saved his live;  he was unharmed.  His wife, however, couldn’t make it.  She died before reaching the hospital.

For an entire year, his parents looked after him and his son.  He refused to go back to work.  He refused to move on.  He refused to live life without her.

His parents, frustrated at their son’s unwillingness to help himself recover, decided to leave him to fend for himself.  One day, they packed their belongings and returned home – just like that.  And he was left alone with his young son.

That’s when he finally  got up from besides the window, where he had spent several days and even nights, hugged the innocent little boy, and vowed to move on for his son’s sake.

It’s been five years now since that incident.  He still lives in Canada with his son and works for a health care company.  He spends time with the kid, going out to movies and zoo.  He is working hard to be the best father he could be.  But he refuses to remarry;  won’t even entertain the thought.

He might have moved on, but he definitely hasn’t fully recovered yet.

This is a true story.  Names have been withheld and places changed, respecting the privacy of the people involved.  Pictures were taken from Google images.

A Walk To Remember

“Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think.” (Qur’an 30:21)

Overwhelmed by deadlines, regular routine and responsibilities, I felt suffocated.  I looked up at Masood, and he instantly read my eyes.  “Let’s go out for a walk,” he messaged me on AIM.  I am pleasantly surprised on how much this man, who was a complete stranger to me just two years ago, seem to know me so well.  I am equally amazed at myself for when I look at him, I seem to know what he’s thinking.  Is that possible at all?  I felt his heartbeat while he slept one evening, and it matched mine.  Yes, it is possible.

At 4 pm, Masood sent out an email to our colleagues that we will be out for an hour.  All of our Boston colleagues are off to celebrate Christmas, even our own office is half empty, so nobody missed us while we were out. I decided to take the camera with me.

We didn’t go anywhere far.  In fact, we decided to just walk around our office premises.  I breathed in the coolness of December, filling up my lungs with fresh air.  And when Masood held my hand as we walked, I knew I was with the man who priotized me over his career, his friends and even himself.

“We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness.” – Ellen Goodman

“The first duty of love is to listen.” – Paul Tillich

Masood is a much better listener than I would ever be.  When I speak, he gives me undivided attention.  I often feel guilty because there are certain times when he’s talking and I’m thinking about what to cook for dinner or which clothes to wear the next day.  But as we walked today, I listened to him intently, as he talked about our future plans, dreams, and us in general.

“The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.” – Robert Dodds

“Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.” – Barnett R. Brickner

“It’s easy to understand love at first sight, but how do we explain love after two people have been looking at each other for years?” – Author Unknown

“… a good marriage is based on the talent for friendship.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

“Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.” - Zig Ziglar

“A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” – Andre Maurois

“Chains do not hold a marriage together.  It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.” - Simone Signoret

“Marriages are ruined when one person continues to learn, develop and grow, while the other person stands still.” - Catherine Pulsifer

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”  – Mignon Mclaughlin

More of Dubai Internet City pictures here.

The Story of Baby Girl

The tiny, delicate chest moved up and down to the rhythm of the oxygen being pumped into its premature lungs.  No, not just the chest;  even the abdomen rose and fell as we helped this new life struggle to stay alive.  She was a fighter, not willing to give up to death lurking very close to her feeble body.

Baby Girl was born prematurely at 22 weeks in June 2004.  I was an intern at the Department of Pediatrics in a public hospital, where there were 38 premature infants, who needed intensive care, and only 20 incubators to help them survive.  She was rushed in from the emergency room at 6 pm, accompanied by her anxious grandmother.

The resident doctor on duty rushed to examine the newly arrived baby, and looked at me.  She need not utter the words to me, for I had been with her long enough to understand what had she wanted to say:  this baby is not going to make it.

There wasn’t a spare incubator for this baby and the family couldn’t afford one at a private hospital.  So we gently laid this fragile life in a cot and turned on a lamp close to her body to give her heat.  We took her vitals.   Blood tests and a chest x-ray were taken, as she endured it all silently.

She remained quiet as we placed a tube down her delicate throat.  It was through this tube that oxygen was being delivered into her lungs.  The doctor gave her an artificial surfactant, a crucial substance that keeps the tiny air sacs in the lungs open.  Her own lungs had barely started to produce surfactant, when she had been forced to leave the comforts of her mother’s womb.  A device on her finger showed us the oxygen concentration in her blood – it was very low.  Her grandmother looked in with tears in her eyes, though she fought hard to conceal them from Baby Girl.

“We’re at the hospital,” Baby Girl’s grandmother said, answering a phone call, “Come here as soon as you can.”

“That was my husband.  He still doesn’t know about this baby.”  Then,  she told me the entire story.

Ana (not her real name) was a 16-year-old, honor student.  She was the youngest and the only girl among four siblings.  Life was going smoothly for her, until she got pregnant by her 17-year-old boyfriend.  When she broke the news to him, he left her.  Being pregnant, ashamed and not knowing what to do, Ana decided to abort the baby.  She took some pills during the fifth month of gestation to rid of the life growing inside her.  None of her family members knew she was pregnant, not even her mother, who would later feel the most guilt in this entire ordeal.

One afternoon while doing laundry, Ana felt the painful uterine contraction for the first time.  She had been anticipating this pain;  she had been waiting for the pills to finally free her from this mess she had gotten into.  So she worked extra hard with the laundry, making sure her body exhausted itself to the point of bleeding.  And when she did bleed, it frightened her.  Ana thought that the pills will make her bleed a little, there will be painful cramping, a blood clot will pass out of her, and that’s it – her problem’s over.  But she panicked when the bleeding wouldn’t stop and the contractions got unbearably painful.

Ana cried out to her mother and that’s when she had to finally confess the truth.  Everyone else was out at work, so Ana’s mother hailed a cab and rushed to the hospital.  Baby Girl was born in the cab.  Ana was admitted in the OB-Gyn department, while Baby Girl was brought to us.

“She hasn’t looked at the baby yet,”  Baby Girl’s grandmother told me.  “How could I have not noticed that my daughter was pregnant?  I am such a failure.”  I remained quiet, not knowing how to express myself appropriately.   I felt her pain too.

A while later, the resident doctor came in with Baby Girl’s x-ray report:  hyaline membrane disease.  Her lungs were too premature to function normally.  The doctor suggested to wheel in Ana so she could hold the baby.  But when her wheelchair was finally parked near Baby Girl’s cot, Ana turned her face away.

“She’s your own flesh and blood, for God’s sake!”  cried Ana’s mother, “Hold her in your arms while she’s still alive. Don’t you want to apologize to her.  Just look at what you’ve done.”

Tears started to trickle down Ana’s face, yet she stubbornly refused to look at her baby.  “Please take me away,” she told the nurse.

“Ana,” her mother was almost pleading, “don’t you even want to see how pretty your daughter looks?  Her eyes search for you.”

“Please take me back to my room.”  Ana was wheeled back to her room.

Not long after, Baby Girl started to turn blue.  She was slipping away, fast.  And by the time her grandfather arrived, shocked, the doctors decided that it was time to end the resuscitation efforts.

Baby Girl’s grandfather rushed out and returned with some clothes for her.  He kissed her forehead gently, held her tiny finger and whispered in her ears, “We love you so much.  I’m sorry for what your mother has done.  If only we knew, your grandmother and I would never have let this happen to you.  You’ll always be our special baby, no matter what.  We know you’re a brave girl.  Go to heaven, my love, for you’re too pure for this world.  I love you.”

Baby Girl’s grandparents held hands and looked on with tears in their eyes, as the doctors finally removed the tube and wrapped her up.  After completing the necessary paperwork, they took Baby Girl’s body home.

“The death of a baby is like a stone cast into the stillness of a quiet pool;  the concentric ripples of despair sweep out in all directions, affecting many, many people.” De Frain, 1991

(Photos taken from Google images)

What Kids Think Of Marriage

When a group of kids were asked what they think about marriage, this is what they had to say:

How do you decide who to marry?

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry.  God decides it all the way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.

~ Kirsten, 10

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

~ Derrick, 8

What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?

I’d run home and play dead.  The next day, I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.

~ Craig, 9

How would you make a marriage work?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.

~ Rick, 10

Quote on Marriage:

“A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together.” ~ Marlon, 10

Source:  An e-mail from a friend.

With Love Comes Duty

“…and He has put love and compassion between your hearts: verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” Quran 30:21

We love and crave to be loved in return. But with love comes duty.

Love is more than a person’s own momentary sense of happiness and elation. It is more than companionship. Love is more than feeling good about someone. It is more than feeling good about one’s self. With love comes duty. With love comes the need for us to expand our definitions of ourselves, to reach out, and to make sacrifices.

Ourselves

We love ourselves because we are unique. We love ourselves for the achievements and triumphs, for helping others, and for being blessed. But with love comes duty.

We have the duty to look after ourselves. We have to maintain ourselves – spiritually, emotionally, and physically – in order for us to be able to give love to others.

Parents

We all love our parents. We love them because they raised us up, sacrificed to provide us with the best education, taught us morals and values, fed us, clothe us, and helped us shape into the individuals that we are today. We love them for the values they have infused in our very souls, so we become better individuals.

But with love comes duty.

When we love our parents, we have the duty to be obedient. We have the duty to address them with honor, to respect them, to look after them, to speak with them gently and with kind words. With love, it is our duty to pray for them.

Spouse

We love our spouse because they fill in a certain void in our souls, and satisfy our longings for companionship and intimacy. We love them because they stay by us through thick and thin.

But with love comes duty.

When we love our spouse, it is more than expressing our own feelings towards the person we are married to. We have the duty to stretch out from our comfort zone in order to accommodate the other. We have the duty to make some changes in our lifestyle, to learn from each other. We have the duty to respect and acknowledge the differences. We have the duty to maintain ourselves – spiritually, emotionally, and physically – to remain the person, who has attracted our spouse towards us in the first place.

And most importantly, with love comes our duty to remain faithful.

Children

We love our children because they are a part of our own being. They give us immense happiness. They amaze us with little things. But with love comes duty. It is our duty to discipline them, to teach them, to instill in them values and morals, to treat our children equally, and to help shape their beings so that they grow up to be responsible, God-fearing adults.

Friends

We love our friends because we share with them our happiness as well as sorrows. But with love comes duty. We love our friends despite harsh arguments, because we have made a commitment to remain steadfast in our friendship.

Allah

And above every relationship is the one that we share with Allah. It is not enough to say that we love him. With loving Him comes our duty to worship and obey Him, and follow His words.

To love Allah is to make a lifetime commitment to be true to Him.